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| || Chris is a Single Male who is 10 years of age and from United Kingdom. He classes himself as a Straight Male, is 5'8" in height and has a Athletic build. He joined us on Mar 2006 and says that if he was an animal he'd be a tiger!
details: I was born young in Sussex Great Britain. I wasn't a good early student failing both birth certificate & blood test.
I have no brothers or sisters as my parents were so distressed. I soon found I had a photographic memory but it never really developed as I forgot to load the film. I try not to let my mind wander...It’s too small and fragile to be out by itself. I tried to became a wizard but failed the hex-amination
I went to a grammar school but didn't learn much grammar preferring to play sport & nearly made the grade as a soccer player until I kicked the habit. I was backwards in poetry classes & used to write inverse.
After school I took up work as a lumberjack but soon got the chop because I couldn't hack it. I then worked in a cardboard box company but it folded.
Next I worked an upholstery machine until I accidentally got dragged in with an armchair. Fortunately I am now fully recovered. Then I got a job down the sewers but even that went down the drain. Well it was a crap job anyway. My favourite job was as bra measurer in M&S but I found I couldn’t handle it.
I worked as a teacher for a while but I was discriminated against because I was cross eyed.. I got the sack because I couldn't control my pupils
I was a Local Area Network administrator in Australia: in the the LAN down under.
I have the capacity to learn from my own mistakes and learn a lot
I had a girlfriend with a wooden leg, until she broke it off. I nearly had a psychic girlfriend once but she left before she met me
Then there was the girl who worked in the shoe shop. I thought we were going to be sole mates but she gave me the boot - I think she was only trying it on anyway.
I even tried chatting up a cheetah but she soon worked out I was
trying to pull a fast one
I went out with a gym instructor once and asked her to teach me how
to do the splits. She son lost interest when she asked how flexible
I was and found out I could only make Tuesdays
There is one glimmer of hope on the money front though, I used to spend a fortune on deodorant but now I have just realized that people didn't like me anyway
I took her out to a Chinese restaurant for valentines day abut it
all went wrong. This duck came up to me with a red rose and says
"Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for
I was so unlucky with women that I made the mistake of replacing
sex with food. Now I can't even get into my own pants.
One girl said I wasn't well hung because she could still get a
couple of fingers under the noose
I went out with a girl who was ten years younger than me. She gave
me some tips for keeping my youth. Give her diamonds jewelry and a
nice flat in Mayfair
Last Christmas I gave santa a list of what I wanted. All I got was a
sweater which was quite disappointing, I would have preferred a
screamer or a moaner.
There was another girl who came round the house and talked non stop
about the filthy state of my carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a
Then I went out to dinner with a lady chess champion. There was a
check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. She
said "You remind me of a pepper pot", I said "I'll take that as a
Then I had a period when I fell in love with two school bags up
until then I didn't realise I was bisatchel
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man wrapped in a barcode with my
girlfriend and that's when I asked her "Are you two an item?".
I went to a party wearing only jump leads. They let me in but told
me not to start anything.
The psychiatrist girlfriend I had wasn't phased when I wore cling
film pants. She took one look and told me I can clearly see you're
I entered a local paper's pun contest. Sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I wouldn’t live anywhere but Sussex because my house is there. Bought a car with hair conditioning but it doesn’t seem to work… I’ve still got dandruff after 6 months. Its got 16 valves too. 4 in the engine and 12 in the radio.
For a hobby I love trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I
can hardly contain myself.
I often have to break into song because I can't find the right key.
I was arrested for dressing as a gnome and doing fortune telling but I escaped. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
I tried to end it all jumping off a Paris bridge but everyone said I was in Seine.
As I get older its sad to say that I have just discovered the first strands of gray hair and I felt like dyeing.
I did a marathon in wellington boots but suffered the agony of defeat.
I am optomistic though. Most days I beat my own personal best record
for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
One secret about me is that I have a pound note tattoo (you know where). I love the feeling of hard cash and I love to see my money grow. My last girlfriend was inflatable but I am afraid I didn’t see the pin on the floor and let her down badly.
The truth is ...I LMAO out loud in Public too so if you fancy a chat and some fun banter I am only a click away ....(except currently my mouse is giving me problems since it was attacked by the cat but I will see what I can do)
If you want to find out more realistic information about me contact me direct or to get some photos please mail ***removed***. It would be wonderful to hear from you. Worlds can change in moments, one little click can make a world of difference.
| || Captain is a Single Male who is 5 years of age and from United Kingdom. He classes himself as a Straight Male, is 6'0" in height and has a Medium build. He joined us on Aug 2005 and says that if he was an animal he'd be a tiger!
details: Our eyes meet across a crowded bar. You`ve not turned away to throw up! A good start as far as I`m concerned. I wander over, drink in one hand, Dutch courage in the other. I engage you in small talk hoping to break the ice. "Do you come here often" is so 20th Century. I know you`re not supposed to ask a lady her age, so I`d probably just ask you how much you weigh. You`d be impressed. Especially when I order a Baileys with Tomato juice. I`d sip it down, lump by lump, staying cool. By now, my Dutch courage would have kicked in. I`d tell you the stories of me saving baby Dolphins from flaming helicopters. The stories of how I had turn down the part of James Bond because I had something important to do that weekend. Hopefully the ice would have been broken by now and you`d ask me for the truth. "THE TRUTH, THE TRUTH, YOU CAN`T HANDLE THE TRUTH" would be my reply. I taught Jack Nicholson everything he knows. If you want the real truth, get in touch. P.S "The games up Goldfinger" he says in his best Sean Connery accent.
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