Introduction:
Chris is a Single Male who is 48 years of age and from United Kingdom. He classes himself as a Straight Male, is 5'8" in height and has a Athletic build. He joined us on Mar 2006 and says that if he was an animal he'd be a tiger!
Now is the right moment
I was born young in Sussex Great Britain. I wasn't a good early student failing both birth certificate & blood test.
I have no brothers or sisters as my parents were so distressed. I soon found I had a photographic memory but it never really developed as I forgot to load the film. I try not to let my mind wander...It’s too small and fragile to be out by itself. I tried to became a wizard but failed the hex-amination
I went to a grammar school but didn't learn much grammar preferring to play sport & nearly made the grade as a soccer player until I kicked the habit. I was backwards in poetry classes & used to write inverse.
Work
After school I took up work as a lumberjack but soon got the chop because I couldn't hack it. I then worked in a cardboard box company but it folded.
Next I worked an upholstery machine until I accidentally got dragged in with an armchair. Fortunately I am now fully recovered. Then I got a job down the sewers but even that went down the drain. Well it was a crap job anyway. My favourite job was as bra measurer in M&S but I found I couldn’t handle it.
I worked as a teacher for a while but I was discriminated against because I was cross eyed.. I got the sack because I couldn't control my pupils
I was a Local Area Network administrator in Australia: in the the LAN down under.
I have the capacity to learn from my own mistakes and learn a lot
every day
Relationships
I had a girlfriend with a wooden leg, until she broke it off. I nearly had a psychic girlfriend once but she left before she met me
Then there was the girl who worked in the shoe shop. I thought we were going to be sole mates but she gave me the boot - I think she was only trying it on anyway.
I even tried chatting up a cheetah but she soon worked out I was
trying to pull a fast one
I went out with a gym instructor once and asked her to teach me how
to do the splits. She son lost interest when she asked how flexible
I was and found out I could only make Tuesdays
There is one glimmer of hope on the money front though, I used to spend a fortune on deodorant but now I have just realized that people didn't like me anyway
I took her out to a Chinese restaurant for valentines day abut it
all went wrong. This duck came up to me with a red rose and says
"Your eyes sparkle like diamonds". I said "Waiter, I asked for
a-ROMATIC duck".
I was so unlucky with women that I made the mistake of replacing
sex with food. Now I can't even get into my own pants.
One girl said I wasn't well hung because she could still get a
couple of fingers under the noose
I went out with a girl who was ten years younger than me. She gave
me some tips for keeping my youth. Give her diamonds jewelry and a
nice flat in Mayfair
Last Christmas I gave santa a list of what I wanted. All I got was a
sweater which was quite disappointing, I would have preferred a
screamer or a moaner.
There was another girl who came round the house and talked non stop
about the filthy state of my carpets?". I thought "That's all I need, a
Je-hoover's witness
Then I went out to dinner with a lady chess champion. There was a
check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. She
said "You remind me of a pepper pot", I said "I'll take that as a
condiment".
Then I had a period when I fell in love with two school bags up
until then I didn't realise I was bisatchel
I was in Tesco's and I saw this man wrapped in a barcode with my
girlfriend and that's when I asked her "Are you two an item?".
I went to a party wearing only jump leads. They let me in but told
me not to start anything.
The psychiatrist girlfriend I had wasn't phased when I wore cling
film pants. She took one look and told me I can clearly see you're
nuts
Interests
I entered a local paper's pun contest. Sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
I wouldn’t live anywhere but Sussex because my house is there. Bought a car with hair conditioning but it doesn’t seem to work… I’ve still got dandruff after 6 months. Its got 16 valves too. 4 in the engine and 12 in the radio.
For a hobby I love trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I
can hardly contain myself.
I often have to break into song because I can't find the right key.
I was arrested for dressing as a gnome and doing fortune telling but I escaped. Police are looking for a small medium at large.
I tried to end it all jumping off a Paris bridge but everyone said I was in Seine.
As I get older its sad to say that I have just discovered the first strands of gray hair and I felt like dyeing.
I did a marathon in wellington boots but suffered the agony of defeat.
I am optomistic though. Most days I beat my own personal best record
for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
One secret about me is that I have a pound note tattoo (you know where). I love the feeling of hard cash and I love to see my money grow. My last girlfriend was inflatable but I am afraid I didn’t see the pin on the floor and let her down badly.
The truth is ...I LMAO out loud in Public too so if you fancy a chat and some fun banter I am only a click away ....(except currently my mouse is giving me problems since it was attacked by the cat but I will see what I can do)
If you want to find out more realistic information about me contact me direct or to get some photos please mail ***removed***. It would be wonderful to hear from you. Worlds can change in moments, one little click can make a world of difference.
Chris
Advice from Dr. Love...
"The Internet is all about convenience and instant gratification. But when it comes to real relationships, it takes time, patience and genuine effort to make it work. But for those who want to 'cast a wider net', nothing else can give you as many choices and as much information as the Internet."
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